If the answer to any of those is yes, follow the instructions given below and prove to all those Maharashtrians that doing puja everyday is cool:
1. Say yes when that roly-poly aunty next door smiles when she offers you the prasad after the aarti (the aunty who gets offended if you brush your teeth too loud). Even though you have been force-fed ten ladoos already and there are ants riding on wrecking balls in your mouth; swinging from tooth to tooth.
2. Clap energetically, no, ecstatically (more like a person who just escaped from the mental asylum) after the six year old daughter of that same roly-poly aunty ends her dance performance at the cultural festival. Clap louder if she dances to ‘chikni chameli’. Sure, there is the part where she starts bawling on stage but the ten seconds she did dance were mind blowing.
3. Do not make crème brulee when it is your turn to serve the prasad after the aarti for the members of your building. They will be met by remarks of ‘kay tey?’ and ‘yeh kaunsa kheer hai?’.
4. Jump ecstatically when they give you a chewing gum (worth a whole rupee!) after you finish the lemon-and-spoon race in your building. I’m sorry, what did you say? Oh so you walked two hundred meters with a steel spoon in your mouth even though it felt like the spoon was going to fall out along with your teeth? I think you’re being too demanding. A chewing gum is rewarding enough for what you’ve done. You just walked with a spoon with a lemon balanced on it; you did not jump on a pogo stick across the world. Stop being such a diva.
If you believe that this brilliant piece of advice I just gave you will put you in the limelight this Ganesh Chaturthi, you are absolutely right. Meanwhile, you can write us a to-do list for any other festival we might need some guidance in!
- Raashi (Editor)